Ruling on Forsaking the Wife in Islam

What is the ruling on someone who abandons his wife for months, and sometimes years?

Forsaking is permissible, but it is a remedy,

as Allah ﷻ said: "And those [wives]..."

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand.” (Quran 4:34)

So forsaking is a form of treatment with which a man addresses his wife's nushuz.

As for abandoning her without a reason,

or when there was a cause, but it has been resolved,

yet the abandonment continues—this is not permissible; it is not permissible.

And Allah ﷻ says:

“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Quran 30:21)

for affection to exist between spouses.

And Allah ﷻ says: "Live with them in kindness."

A husband must treat his wife with kindness.

As for when he abandons the marital bed—that is, he does not approach his wife—

this is called ila'.

And Allah ﷻ says:

“For those who swear not to have sexual relations with their wives is a waiting time of four months, but if they return [to normal relations] - then indeed, Allāh is Forgiving and Merciful.”

“And if they decide on divorce - then indeed, Allāh is Hearing and Knowing.” (Quran 2:226-227)

*Ila'* is when a husband swears not to go unto his wife for a period of time.

He may swear off for a week, saying: "By Allah, I will not come to you for a week," as a discipline for her.

Or: "By Allah, I will not come to you for a month, two months, or three months."

The maximum limit is four months — the maximum limit is four months.

The Prophet ﷺ vowed abstention from all his wives for a month to discipline them (RA).

He ﷺ abstained from his wives a full month.

So it is a form of remedy with which a man treats his wife's rebellion (nushuz).

But it is not permissible to exceed four months.

If he exceeds the four months,

the woman has the right to complain before the judge.

The judge then orders him either to resume living with her properly, or to divorce her.

Ila' has a four-month limit.

But if she is content and does not want a divorce,

and accepts this situation,

that's another matter—he isn't obligated.

The point is only if she requests that he end this ila'.

Four months is the maximum limit for the man.

My sincere advice to men is to fear Allah ﷻ regarding their wives, as the Prophet ﷺ said:

"Indeed, women are captives in your hands."

So let him fear Allah regarding his wife. He gets angry over sometimes trivial reasons,

and sometimes not trivial, meaning it has some significance.

a justification, or the like.

Okay, a punishment of forsaking for a week, two weeks—

until when? Until when does this forsaking go on?

Furthermore, some people misunderstand the concept of forsaking.

Forsaking is only in bed—in intimacy—while still living in the house.

It simply means he refrains from intimacy; that is what forsaking is.

As for leaving the house and sleeping outside,

or traveling and abandoning them, this is not Shar'i forsaking.

This is a satanic abandonment, not a Shar'i one.

Shar'i forsaking means forsaking her inside the home.

Meaning he stays at home, lives with them in the house, and forsakes her as a form of remedy.

Even striking is a form of remedy.

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allāh would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance - [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them [lightly]. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allāh is ever Exalted and Grand.” (Quran 4:34)

These are remedies by which a man treats his wife; even divorce is a form of remedy.

He spoke of the first and second divorces, as Allah ﷻ gives him time during the 'iddah

to reconsider. If she rights herself, he takes her back and things straighten out.

If she remains crooked—as he believes or sees it—

he continues the divorce until her 'iddah ends, then each goes their own way.

So the point is that men must fear Allah ﷻ regarding their wives,

and forsaking should not be for such long periods as some practice.

Likewise, women must fear Allah ﷻ regarding their husbands,

and not do what forces the husband to forsake, strike, or the like.

These homes should be maintained, especially those with families and children, male or female.

This is not right; it harms the psychological well-being of children,

producing troubled, psychologically ill children due to spousal conflicts.

Yet the spouses can resolve these issues and end them. And Allah's help is sought.