The Third Lesson by Sheikh Sulayman ar-Ruhaily

Praise be to Allah, Lord of all worlds.

And the fullest, most perfect blessings and peace upon him, sent as mercy to all.

And upon his family and companions all together. Now then.

Welcome, brothers and sisters, to this third session.

from the first day's sessions.

of this course, which I ask Allah ﷻ to make blessed and beneficial.

We are still with the first matter.

of the matters we discuss in this course.

It is principles for dealing with family and companions.

We have already mentioned four principles.

And we begin the fifth principle.

And I remind the brothers that, Allah willing, we will speak.

for half an hour on the course material.

Then for about twenty minutes, Allah willing, until the adhan.

we will answer whatever questions we can.

The fifth principle in dealing with family and friends.

Keeping away from the diseases of the heart: doubts and suspicions.

And the blights of deeds: mutual hatred, envy, and their causes.

Keeping away from the diseases of the heart: doubts and suspicions.

Meaning: and keeping away from the blights of deeds.

from mutual hatred and envy and from their causes.

The diseases of the heart are doubts and evil suspicions.

They spoil life and constrict the chest.

They lead to sins and to estrangement and hatred.

Whoever obeys his doubts and follows his bad suspicions.

He sins, his chest becomes tight, and his life is embittered.

He trusts no one around him, neither his housemate nor companion.

That leads him to become distant.

from his family and friends, or they become distant from him.

Allah ﷻ said.

"O you who believe, avoid much suspicion."

"Indeed, some suspicion is sin."

"Do not spy or backbite one another."

"Would any of you like to eat his dead brother's flesh? You'd hate it."

"And fear Allah. Indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance, Merciful."

"O you who believe, avoid much suspicion."

Why? Some suspicion is sin. Notice the contrast.

Allah ﷻ commanded us to avoid much evil suspicion.

Why? Because some suspicion is sin.

So our Lord required us to leave much suspicion.

for fear of falling into sin.

because some suspicion is sin.

These are diseases of the heart. Do not spy.

Do not seek out faults, nor uncover anything without cause.

These are the ills of conduct that lead to hatred and estrangement.

It was narrated from Anas (RA) that the Prophet ﷺ said.

Do not envy one another. Do not hate one another.

Do not spy on one another. Do not eavesdrop.

Do not make false bids. Be brothers, O servants of Allah ﷻ.

This hadith shows that what comes before the phrase

Be brothers, O servants of Allah ﷻ.

That contradicts brotherhood and opposes it.

Among the rights of brotherhood is that we do not envy.

and that we do not hate or cut one another off.

and that we do not spy or eavesdrop.

and that none of us does anything that harms another.

Envy ruins affection.

Envy is not ghibtah.

Ghibtah is wishing for something like what your brother has.

As for envy, it is wishing that your brother's blessing vanish.

whether you want it to pass to you or not.

If envy enters a family, it tears it apart.

If it occurs among friends it brings about enmity.

How many a friend envied his friend.

How many an associate envied another and that led him to wrong him.

And perhaps he dressed that up in the garb of piety and religion.

Therefore, this matter is a blight one must protect his heart from.

Mutual envy is a path to hatred.

Do not snoop, and do not spy.

Some scholars said: spying is tracking private faults and seeking them.

And snooping is listening to people's talk without permission.

And some scholars also said spying is searching hidden matters.

And snooping is seeking what can be perceived by the eye.

Overall, the meaning is

Do not pursue private faults by any means without cause for suspicion.

If no fault appears from your family then do not inspect or search.

Your companion.

If no private fault appears from him and no flaw becomes visible.

So do not spy. Do not inspect or search.

Among the afflictions of companionship is asking too much about faults.

Either by asking the one you live with or your friend, or by asking others.

Some people, without suspicion interrogate their wives every day.

Did you do it? Swear by Allah. Did you do such-and-such?

And his wife does the same. Or he goes and asks.

You sit with so-and-so. Does he speak about me?

Does your friend insult me in your presence? Nothing suggests it.

Among the afflictions of our time.

Checking phones without suspicion.

So you find a woman searching through her husband's phone.

Without any clear suspicion and without his permission.

She may come across something and misunderstand it. So may the husband.

If there is suspicion, there are ways to clear it up.

But if there is no suspicion, there should be no spying or snooping.

For this may lead a person to making himself miserable.

and to making others miserable, and to breeding enmity and hatred.

The sixth principle: concealing private faults.

being patient with shortcomings and being thankful for kindness.

These are three matters tightly bound to one another.

Concealing faults, as we discussed earlier.

If a person lives with another, he is bound to see a fault in him.

All the children of Adam err.

As Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah RH said, sin is inseparable from man.

Best sinners are those who repent.

You may notice a fault in your companion.

A wife may notice a fault in her husband.

A husband may notice a fault in his wife.

And we are speaking of private faults, not public ones.

Those that affect others and harm the Ummah.

Nor the faults a person commits openly.

Whoever does that openly has sinned.

Whoever wants Allah ﷻ to cover his faults, let him cover others' faults.

For recompense matches the deed.

If a person sees a fault in one he lives with or accompanies.

He should not look at the fault alone unless he wants to correct it.

No one is without faults. And everyone has virtues.

If you want to assess your companion.

Do not look at his fault alone.

But if you remember his fault, remind yourself of his virtues.

A person looks at a fault alone

only if he wants to correct it.

And he wanted to advise his companion. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said.

Whoever covers a Muslim's faults, Allah will conceal him on Judgment Day.

Agreed upon. Muslim also narrates.

Whoever covers a Muslim's faults, Allah will conceal him in both worlds.

So whoever covers a Muslim's faults, even if he is far away.

He is promised Allah will conceal him in this world and the Hereafter.

Abu Hurayrah RA reported that the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said.

No servant covers another's faults here, but Allah covers him that Day.

Reported by Muslim in the Sahih. Imam Ibn 'Uthaymin RH said.

Whoever covers a Muslim's faults, i.e., hides and covers his fault.

Concealment is hiding what exists.

The shaykh said: a curtain hides the thing and covers it.

What is meant is concealing a Muslim who did something blameworthy.

It may be in decency or character.

It may be in religion and deeds.

Allah will conceal him in this life and the Hereafter.

Whoever sees in his brother a fault related to decency.

It may relate to character or appearance.

A person may have a visible physical flaw.

Or it may concern religion and deeds.

If he conceals it and does not spread it.

He is promised this great reward. Allah will conceal him in both worlds.

Shaykh Ibn Baz RH said in a profound, solid statement.

This is what is prescribed if one sees a fellow Muslim's private fault, a sin.

He should not expose him or spread it among people.

Rather, he should conceal it, advise him, and guide him to good.

Concealment, brothers, does not mean not advising.

But some scholars said some excellent words on this.

They said: advice doesn't require telling him.

Rather, it may be wise.

Not to tell the one advised that a certain person saw him.

For example, they say: if a father sees his son smoking.

They said wisdom dictates not telling him he saw him.

They said: for two reasons. First, so the sin won't seem light.

For as long as he thinks his father has not found out.

The sin remains heavy on him. If he knows, it becomes lighter.

The second reason is so he isn't humiliated before his father.

So he advises him without telling him he saw him.

As if he brings up scholars' talk about smoking.

He puts it on in the car as they drive, as if by chance.

Or he writes him an unsigned letter.

advising him about smoking without saying who advised him.

This is great wisdom; it is not limited to a son; I cite it as an example.

If he needs to tell him, he does so without exposing him.

If needed, for example, he should not bring him before his brothers.

and say, "I saw you in such-and-such place doing that."

That would expose him before his brothers; it should be between them.

So the shaykh says: this is a fine observation.

Concealment does not mean leaving sincere advice. The shaykh says.

Do not expose him or spread it among the people.

Rather, conceal it for him, advise him, and guide him to good.

And call him to repent to Allah for it.

Whoever does this and conceals his brother's fault.

Allah will conceal him in this world and the Hereafter.

For the recompense matches the deed.

If this applies to a distant brother.

Then what about one you live with? What about a husband or a wife?

What about friends? What about the rest of the family?

The shaykh said: As for those who openly sin and feel no shame.

They have exposed themselves so they are not to be concealed.

No concealment is due to one who exposes and publicizes his sin.

One of the Salaf said — as quoted by Ibn Baz RH: I met people with no faults.

They mentioned people's faults so people mentioned faults in them.

And I met people who had faults.

They refrained from mentioning people's faults, so theirs were forgotten.

He said: I met people with no faults. Meaning, none were open, but concealed.

They mentioned people's faults so their own faults were exposed.

Recompense matches the deed: whoever conceals is concealed.

Whoever exposes is exposed. Recompense matches the deed.

Whoever conceals is concealed and whoever exposes is exposed.

And so, the report continues.

There were people who had faults.

But they concealed people's faults so their own faults were not spread.

And their faults did not appear.

So two groups fall outside concealment.

The first category the Shaykh named is one who shamelessly publicizes his sin.

And the second category is one who calls to evil or falsehood.

Such a person is not told: 'Why didn't you conceal him?'

Nor, 'Why didn't you go to him?' He made it public and called people to it.

This is a public fault, not a private one.

Al-Nawawi RH said: As for concealment recommended here.

What is meant is concealing people of standing and the like.

Who are not known for harm and corruption.

But one known for that should not be concealed.

Rather, his case should be referred to the authorities.

If no resulting harm is feared.

Because concealing such a person emboldens him to harm and wrongdoing.

and to violate sacred limits.

And emboldening others to do likewise.

All this concerns concealing a sin that occurred and ended.

Of course, the discussion here is about concealing a brother generally.

We are applying it here to family and friends.

As we said.

The discussion is about sins whose doer hides them.

Al-Nawawi RH said.

As for a sin he saw him committing.

While he was still committing it.

Then one must promptly denounce it to him.

And stop him from it if one is able.

He said: As for criticizing narrators, this was mentioned earlier.

As for criticizing narrators, witnesses, and trustees.

over charities, endowments, and orphans.

meaning trustees of orphans and the like.

They must be criticized when needed.

Nor may they be concealed if one sees in them

anything that undermines their fitness.

This is not prohibited backbiting.

Rather, it is obligatory advice. And this is unanimously agreed.

Now, when you speak about a man who deceives people in their religion.

and you are compelled to do so. and you adopt this course.

Someone comes and says, "This is backbiting! Where is his concealment?"

This is sincere advice, and the scholars have unanimously agreed.

It is obligatory for whoever can.

Shaykh Ibn 'Uthaymin RH said in his commentary on this hadith.

Concealment may be commanded and praised, and may be forbidden.

If we see someone committing a sin, and he is an evil man, steeped in sins.

Concealment only increases him in transgression, we do not hide him.

But if no bad signs appear from him.

Yet he made a slip.

It is recommended that you conceal it for him and not disclose it to anyone.

He also said: This includes concealing his physical defect.

if he has a defect in his appearance, such as wounds.

or the like, while he keeps it hidden.

and prefers that people not see it.

Al-Hafiz Ibn Abd al-Barr RH said.

On concealing a Muslim's faults, there are many authentic reports.

So this is the first matter: concealing private faults.

which a person hides and does not publicize.

The second matter.

Showing gratitude for kindness.

And this is one of the pillars of this principle.

So if one close to you shows kindness.

Or if a friend shows kindness.

then the Sharia calls for thanking him for it.

And this brings hearts together and strengthens affection.

It makes the one who does good give more.

This is a great Sharia principle.

Now, the third pillar of this principle.

What did we say was in this principle? Patience, and persevering in good.

Allah willing, we'll return to it in tomorrow's first lesson.

In the first session, Allah ﷻ willing.

So we can discuss it and tie it together.

Then move to the next principle, Allah ﷻ willing, as promised.

We'll stop here in presenting the material.

And answer some questions, Allah willing, until adhan time.

From what I saw in the timetable, it is 8:15.

So, Allah willing, we will stop then. Yes.

May Allah bless you, noble Shaykh and reward you well.

May Allah bless your knowledge. The questioner asks.

Whoever wants to call to Allah at home.

Among his family, parents, and siblings, how should he start?

How should he deal with them if they oppose him?

The people most deserving of advice are family and relatives.

The seeker of knowledge should look after his family.

He should teach his family and bring goodness to his home.

Your parents are most deserving of the knowledge you have.

How many seekers of knowledge have parents who need teaching.

He is heedless of that. Yet he may be active in calling others.

They may have flaws in creed. Or they may fall into innovations.

Some may not even recite al-Fatihah properly.

And a student of knowledge is heedless of his parents.

Likewise, his family.

They are most entitled to your knowledge. That is why.

It is good for a student of knowledge to hold a lesson at home.

that suits his family, even if only by way of shared study.

For example, he can take a scholarly Forty Nawawi commentary.

And say to them: Every day, we will read a hadith or part of one.

Today so-and-so reads, tomorrow so-and-so reads.

And the next day, so-and-so reads. Then he discusses it with them.

This means such-and-such, and he relates it to real life, etc.

This is very important, and it has an impact.

Also, make use of the time spent in the car.

Or at home. Through indirect da'wah.

For example, as we said, if a person learns about his family.

A specific issue he wants to address.

He brings clips that address this issue.

As though, as we said, it just came up incidentally, and so on.

Train them to memorize didactic poems, and encourage it at home.

People have greatly begun to lose this, despite its importance and great impact.

Whoever memorizes didactic poems or short primers will master knowledge.

This, subhanAllah, is like a seed.

When the boy or girl grows older, the tree appears, and it becomes clear.

Also, benefit from scholars' clips.

Nowadays, people make a family group on WhatsApp, or the like.

Then he selects clips from trusted, well-known scholars.

He chooses them carefully. Each day, he lets them hear a 3- or 4-minute clip.

Much good comes from this.

It also has great benefits. As for the proper starting point.

Always begin with what the Prophet ﷺ began with: Tawhid.

This is the way of the scholars. They begin by teaching Tawhid.

The Three Fundamental Principles and the types of Tawhid, briefly.

And I have said this repeatedly.

That raising children upon Tawhid of Allah's names and attributes

in ways suited to their ages is among what most affects their lives.

Whoever knows Allah by His names and attributes.

He will fear Allah and be mindful of Him.

And throughout his life, he will remain mindful of Allah.

And this is a tremendous matter. Then after that he moves on.

I mean, to what is closest to Tawhid, then the next closest. Yes.

May Allah bless you, our shaykh. The female questioner says.

These days, a saying has spread among women.

that the husband is secondary and unimportant to us women.

and we do not need him, since we work and need no support from our husbands.

This has led to higher rates of divorce and khul' in Muslim homes.

So what is your advice? May Allah reward you well.

This is one of Shaytan's ways.

And now, Allah protect us, some women seek divorce from their husbands.

then hold a party and post it online.

And these claims that a husband has no value.

are false and corrupt in Sharia and in reality.

A woman, by Sharia and by nature, needs a husband.

Glory be to Allah, how can what is half of religion and faith be unneeded?

"Whoever marries has completed half of the faith."

"Let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

That is in terms of Sharia.

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ encouraged marriage.

We have spoken about this repeatedly.

So how can this be deemed worthless and without standing? No doubt it's false.

And it is a cause of widespread corruption.

Sadly, people today follow those of no worth for worthless things.

They follow men and women of no worth and elevate them.

They have no clear religiosity, character, knowledge, or culture.

They follow them in trivialities, what harms, and what leads to evil.

We must be cautious and spread sound concepts and principles.

I have already spoken about the matter of marriage.

in the introduction to the course on fiqh of marital companionship.

So perhaps he can refer back to that. My advice to every young man.

If he can marry, let him marry.

For the Prophet ﷺ said.

"O young men, whoever among you can marry, let him marry."

"For it is more effective in lowering the gaze and guarding chastity."

"And whoever cannot, let him fast, for it will diminish his desire."

One who does not marry despite being able.

There must be some illness in him either physical or psychological.

So he should treat himself for this illness.

Likewise, if a girl is of marriageable age.

And if a suitable suitor comes to propose, she should be married.

And a guardian may not stop her from a suitable match she accepts.

"If one comes to you whose religion and character please you, marry him."

So the advice is for sons and daughters.

And parents too should take care.

To marry off their sons when able.

And to marry off their daughters when they reach marriageable age.

If a suitable suitor comes. Yes.

May Allah reward you, Shaykh. She asks.

Does a wife have the right to treat her husband likewise?

If he yells at her, should she yell back at him?

And if he hits her, should she hit him too?

I cannot imagine a woman doing that.

A woman's femininity prevents her from doing so.

In any case, a wife may not

meet her husband's wrong with a wrong of her own.

Nor may a husband strike his wife in the face at all.

Whatever the reason.

Striking the face is absolutely forbidden.

As for striking for discipline.

It is to show anger, not to injure the body.

Nor to wound dignity.

Nor for personal revenge.

Rather, it is for discipline in a way that does not harm.

It is permissible so long as the law does not forbid it.

But if the law forbids it, obeying the ruler is obligatory.

The scholars explained what this means.

And the intent is only to show her his anger.

Some even said he may strike her with the edge of his garment.

And some said he strikes her with an ordinary siwak.

Just like this, only to make her feel she angered him.

The husband is forbidden to go beyond this.

If he does, he must seek Allah ﷻ's forgiveness and her pardon.

He may face retribution on Judgment Day. We seek refuge in Allah ﷻ.

As for the woman, she may not strike her husband, even if he strikes her.

But if his beating goes too far. She may complain to her family.

And she may refer the matter to the authorities.

Today there are agencies dealing with what is called domestic violence.

So if he exceeds the limit. She may report it.

Praise be to Allah, I hear that in the Emirates there are committees.

For reform and education in such cases. This is good to resort to when needed.

If the situation cannot be set right otherwise.

And I think the principles we mentioned have already covered what is enough.

A person only deals with another for Allah's sake.

He fulfills his right and asks Allah for his due. Yes.

May Allah bless you, honorable Shaykh.

She says: I am a woman diagnosed with an illness.

where psychological harm turns into physical harm for me.

She also mentioned that her family harms her psychologically.

This makes her ill and causes her to abandon the obligatory prayers.

What do you advise? Should I protect myself by avoiding them, or endure it?

I ask Allah ﷻ, by His Most Beautiful Names and Lofty Attributes, to cure her.

and all sick Muslims with a swift cure that leaves no illness.

It is obligatory for her family to take this into account.

They must stop whatever harms her and fear Allah ﷻ concerning her.

If she can still mix with them while reducing the harm.

and be patient with what happens to her, that brings great good and reward.

But if she cannot, she may reduce contact.

in a way that wards off harm without shunning.

There is a difference between avoiding contact and shunning.

Shunning means withholding salam when you meet.

And abandoning the affection that is required.

As for limiting contact, a person may lessen contact with someone.

whose company harms them, without shunning.

For example, some people backbite a lot.

Whenever you sit with him, he backbites.

Even if he is a relative, you may sit with him less.

Some people hurt you when you meet. You may keep contact by phone.

at certain times, and so on.

If communication and keeping ties bring known, not imagined, harm.

then one may do what wards off harm without shunning. Yes.

May Allah ﷻ reward you, honorable Shaykh. She asks.

If a woman is patient with her husband and chooses to remain.

with him, as you quoted from Imam Ibn Baz RH.

Doesn't her husband fall under the Prophet's ﷺ hadith?

"Whoever has two wives and inclines to one of them...

He will come on Judgment Day with one side leaning?"

No, no, that does not apply here. Because here he gave her a choice.

between patiently enduring his condition.

and divorcing her. She chose to be patient, waiving her right.

If a woman waives her right, that right falls away.

So the husband is not blameworthy because of this.

But as the Shaykh said, he should not neglect her.

and give her what he can, and treat her well.

Of course, brothers, as the Shaykh said.

This is only if matters reach the point where the husband is unable.

Then, instead of rushing to divorce her, he gives her the choice.

If she chooses patience.

There is no sin on him as he strives against himself.

If she seeks divorce, he must divorce her.

As long as he cannot give her her due, he must divorce her. Yes.

Allah bless you, noble Shaykh.

Brothers, this is the last question because time is nearly over.

She asks, or he asks: How do we guide our children?

in adolescence if they refuse to seek Islamic knowledge.

and are content just with prayer, spending most of their time on the phone.

and games, and useless, funny clips. And Allah's help is sought.

How to handle them?

The first thing: be a role model.

Your family and children see you with your phone all the time.

Then you ask them to limit their phone time.

That is hard for them to accept. So make yourself a role model.

Use your phone in moderation and for what is beneficial.

Some people sleep and wake up with the phone in hand.

The first thing they see is the phone.

They check their phone before checking on their children.

All the time they are on the phone, yet want to raise their kids otherwise.

First, make yourself a role model.

And instill this in your children through practicing it.

Also, set a routine for them and be part of it.

Tell them, for example: Between Asr and Isha, we don't use phones.

This is a box. We put the phones in it.

We study. We do what benefits us. We do such-and-such, for example.

And so on, with patience.

Upbringing succeeds only with patience.

Patience is indispensable. And I have said this repeatedly.

If you want them to obey you in banning harm, allow more lawful things.

Be cheerful. Be gentle. Be playful with your family.

Be generous to them in what is lawful.

Allah willing, we'll cover this: principles and examples from the Prophet ﷺ

Then they will obey you when you keep them from harm.

And this is very important, especially with teenagers.

Meet their emotional needs, and give them what they love with warmth.

Show love, and allow permissible play.

Without excess. This helps you prevent what is harmful.

The adhan was given, so perhaps we'll stop here.

And we will meet tomorrow, if Allah ﷻ wills.

May Allah reward you, esteemed Shaykh, and bless you.

We'll meet you tomorrow, dear brothers, after Asr, by Allah's leave.

Peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be upon you.